Ideas

http://www.ted.com/talks/steven_johnson_where_good_ideas_come_from.html

So I was introduced to this site through a teacher (possibly the one I learned the most from my entire college career). It has all sorts of interesting stuff on it and really gets you thinking. I came across this video today after not visiting the site for some time. I found it at just the right time. In the video Johnson talks about a coffee house in Oxford, England and how it was the first of its kind. It served as a place where people from all backgrounds would gather and share ideas. He says "their ideas would have sex. This coffee shop was their conjugal bed."

The past few days have been rough. We haven't been on the same page about anything it seems and it's beginning to wear both of us down. Neither of us wants to come out and admit shame for what we have said/done/haven't done. That's nothing new, we're both the most hard headed individuals you could probably ever meet. Lately it feels as if something is off though. We need a conjugal coffee shop. We need a break for just us so that we can recollect and share our thoughts. Not career, financial or kid thoughts. Random, sometimes meaningless, put-a-smile-on-your-face thoughts. Writers read new materials or travel to cure writers block, photographers go to new, foreign locations, CEO's take walks in the park. Everyone has to hit the reset button at some point. We are just in a funk right now and we gotta do something new or different then what we have been for so long now. Do I think our marriage is crumbling? No, we're just going through it.

It's funny how much trust you can put into what someone says who you don't even know. A while ago I waited on this old couple who said they were celebrating their 56th wedding anniversary. Actually it was on September 10th because we had just celebrated our 6 years of dating the previous day. They told us to hang in there and go through all the ups and downs....that it was "worth it." Even though everyone's worth is determined differently and you don't know if your ups and downs will be as high or as low as theirs or vice versa, you trust them. I knew nothing about these people, whether they had the easy life or whether they had survived horrible situations. And I don't know what is in store for us either. But for whatever reason I know they're right and that it is worth it.

Another concept Johnson talks about is that most ideas come from not only sharing our thoughts with others, but sharing our mistakes or errors we have noticed. Sometimes pinpointing the mistake can be difficult....vocalizing it can be even harder. After figuring out what the error is and verbalizing it, the other party's acceptance may be difficult to get. We see this happen everyday. People still don't believe in global warming. When I think about the fact that this happens on such a large scale everyday, it makes me feel a little bit better because, well, misery loves company. I know that we will work through this trivial stuff if billions of people can solve world dilemmas.

Johnson's "Slow Hunch" theory also applies to all of this. I swear to you, finding this video at this time has been amazing. It's like when you hear a song when you are angry/sad/upset and you are like "man, that was the PERFECT song right now." Anyways, the slow hunch theory says that you go through time solving the little problems but you know there is a bigger problem there that you can't fix because you don't have the tools to fix it yet. Great ideas fade into view over time. We're not going to wake up one day and have the solution to marriage. But as time goes on I guess you get the answer...maybe those old folks do know something.

Is it time to move yet?

I have been in such a weird mood today. I had a rough weekend and then it just rolled over into this morning. I am going to blame it on stress. Not entirely sure that that is what it is, but I'm gonna go with it. Vernon works so much now it's ridiculous. He works Monday, Wednesday and Friday nights (and leaves straight from his AF job), so he is gone from 6:30am until about 8 at night. Tuesday he is either with a client or playing in some sort of sport (football or softball) and Thursday nights he has class. Then I work Saturday nights and Sunday mornings. I love that he is doing what he loves but it's just hard adjusting.

I've been constantly looking for jobs and researching the Tampa area. We had our hearts set on Atlanta but have recently opened up to the idea of Tampa. It's the city meets the beach. Kinda sounds like paradise right? I hope so....

So I had my first phone interview with AT&T. Not the best job ever, but the pay is good and the benefits are good. The main reason I applied there is because the location I chose also needs a manager. So I plan on mentioning that I really want to work towards the manager position from the beginning.....once/if I get the face-to-face interview. I also have an interview for a government job on the 30th of this month. Obviously the pay for that is great and the benefits are amazing, but the location may not be. MacDill AFB (in Tampa) is a possibility, and if that is the case then I will hop on it. If the Tampa base isn't an option then I can apply for the two bases here (Eglin & Hurlburt). We really don't want to stay here. So there's going to be big decisions to be made. I'm still job hunting, but it's hard to find a job that isn't sales related or medical related when you don't live in the area that you are looking to go to.

It's so stressful. The only thing that keeps me motivated is looking at houses in the area. I cannot BELIEVE that we are about to buy a house. I have wanted this FOREVER. I will do anything to be able to buy one. When I go through like 5 pages of jobs that I cannot apply for, I look at houses for a little to stay motivated.

I can't wait for all of this to actually start happening. Vernon is so over the AF. Not to mention there is a 6 month deployment coming up in June of 2011. That right there is reason enough for us. All of it just isn't worth it. I can't WAIT until his last day, he is going to be so excited. I can't wait for my last day at Longhorn. I'm tired of the attitudes and the jealousy and everything else that comes with that place. I realized that that place started to change me a little. When I started working less and getting farther and farther away from there I could see it better. Ugh just thinking about that place puts me in a bad mood.

Doesn't Anyone Want Me?

So in my policy class we had to compile a list of our Distinctive Competencies. A list of things that we do better than anyone else. While this was not hard for me, seeing as I am a master of Sims, Brickbreaker on Blackberry's, painting my nails and I can pretty much drink any other girl (and some men) under the table; what was this going to do for me in the long run?

I have racked up three rejection letters now from jobs...one that I really wanted. I know I don't meet all of the qualifications when I apply but I still wish someone (or their computer system) would deem me worthy of an interview. Someone besides all of the lame insurance companies who keep emailing/calling me....thank you Monster & Careerbuilder.

I know everyone said it wouldn't be easy, but no one said it would be this hard. I also know that I have just gotten started. But I need that interview. Even if I don't get the position, I NEED that interview. I need to know that I am at least going in the right direction. I need to know that I am one step closer to getting Vernon out of the Air Force.

I know I have a lot of distinctive competencies, I just need to learn how to put them into words. What do I have to bring to the table that nobody else does?

Rejection Letters Make Me Feel Kinda Rejected

So I have started the big girl job process. I'm filling out applications all the time now. Trying to do at least 2 a day. Some I don't meet all the requirements, some I do. I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to be in the environmental industry of some sort. Too bad i should have known that years ago and double majored in both business AND environmental science. Ugh. I'm looking into these LEED certifications though. They are done through the USGBC and I think they will help me out showing that I have SOME knowledge of what they do.

I got my first rejection letter yesterday. =[
It sucks. I mean in a way I'm glad they actually took the time to laugh in my face. Most places just ignore you. I know this is gonna be hard but I really need this to work out. I have to get Vernon out of the Air Force. We are both over it and we know that the longer he stays in, the better the chance that he has to leave us for a while. A deployment to Kuwait actually came up last week...they told them they were leaving in a WEEK and would be gone until September. Stuff like that is terrifying. Thank goodness he is my little underachiever and he is not trained on the equipment that they have over there. So sending him would be pointless. I don't want him to have to drop on a dime like that. Traveling with a regular company is different, you can call whenever, send pics, text, blah blah blah. Going overseas is horrible.

I foresee many more rejection letters in my future.
Just waiting for that one company that wants me!

Who makes these rules?

So yesterday I realized that everything around me is being or has been governed by someone else's ideas. For instance, there are (and I get) magazines that tell me how to be healthy and that I should be healthy in order to live a better life. There are classes and programs that tell you how to manage your money and savings for your own future. Society dictates that we are supposed to go to school, graduate, start careers and be productive citizens of our community. Well, what if I want to be an unhealthy, uneducated piece of crap?

I suppose my class last night telling me that I need to (or should have already) start a 401k and a Roth IRA. Then I read Cosmo and Women's Health in bed last night. I got a little overwhelmed because those magazines and my class made me feel like I was already behind and I feel like there is no way that I can do it all. I really don't know how to get it all done and do it the right way.

I guess this is the fun part of getting older. There are a million things to do and you feel like you can't do any of them. =\ Not a good feeling.

At least I got a good workout in today. =]

Did I fast forward somewhere along the way?

OK when exactly did I grow up so quickly? It seems like when everyone else aged a year on their birthdays I aged two. At 17 I knew I wanted to get married and start a family. I knew college was a step to cross over. I know that I will start my career by 2011. These are not what-ifs for me. They are absolutes, things that WILL happen and things that I control. So if these seem like such logical steps to me, why don't they seem that way to everyone else?

Working in the restaurant industry is one of the best and worst things I have ever done. Worst because it is unnerving at times, you work with people who more than likely don't share the same goals as you and you see a lot go on that you might not have. The unnerving thing was assumed prior to getting hired. I know that restaurants are fast paced and keeping up would be hard at times and exhausting to say the least. It's the other two that are really beginning to bother me. A lot of people get serving jobs because they have nothing else to do. Which is fine, school is not for everyone. However, if you don't have a clear picture of your future it seems to me that you would excel at whatever job you DID have in order to guarantee at least a stable job. This is not the case. A few people I work with are always on a high of some sort, they have children and put the drugs over them. It is sickening and getting worse by the day. I don't understand. If you KNOW that you have responsibilities, then take care of them. No one is going to do all of this for you. You chose this life for yourself. Whether you did something right, did something wrong or chose to not do anything at all...you chose it.

My co-workers are not who I'm concerned about honestly. It's their children. As a parent you are supposed to want to do whatever you can to provide them with anything they'll ever need. Will you always do this? No. You will fail your children from time to time. As frustrating as that is, it is OK. And these people claim to work hard to give them everything. Yet at the same time they get on a high, perform worse (which makes them lose money) and often can't make it back to their own home at the end of the night. It's sickening and the truth is starting to come out.

The one good thing about serving is that it keeps me pushing through school so that I don't have to do it anymore. Similar to the concept of having a 16 year old babysit 3 kids at once....the ultimate birth control. I've done this for a brief moment and I've come away with improved customer service skills and the ability to work in a fast paced environment amongst other things. But the ultimate payoff has been encouragement to never want to do this again and to one day be able to look back and say "waiting tables got me through college." I guess i just don't understand how you can STRIVE to be a good server as your career goal. To me it's a copout.